The game in one sentence: Newcastle's team transport may have shown up late to Upton Park, but alarmingly few of the players seemed to have made it to the match at all.
The lineup: Krul; Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Haïdara; Anita (de Jong 60), Colback; Sissoko, Wijnaldum (Aarons 79), Thauvin (Pérez 60); Cissé
What went right: Uh...no one was seriously injured? NUFC managed four shots on target, after failing to test the keeper in either of its previous two matches? No one in the back four was directly responsible for either West Ham goal? It's pretty slim pickings. Credit to Daryl Janmaat for a hard-working effort on the attacking side of things (to go with his standard up-and-down defensive performance). But when your right back is far and away your most threatening player, that doesn't exactly bode well.
What went wrong: This was the kind of display that most fans hoped had vanished into the ashes of the Pardew/Carver era. Practically no one - save Janmaat at times, and Ayoze Pérez in his cameo - demonstrated the sort of urgency you would expect out of professional players participating in a meaningful match. Tactically, virtually everything that can be broken was. Cissé, as is his nature, was unable to be an effective foil for the attacking players behind him. To be fair to the much-maligned striker, none of those players covered themselves in glory, either. Thauvin and Sissoko were toothless; Wijnaldum barely registered at all; Colback and Anita must have been wearing invisibility cloaks for the first goal, given the amount of green grass Dimitri Payet managed to find around himself.
The verdict: Steve McClaren called this performance a "wake-up call" and a "lesson" in his post-match comments. He has mostly tinkered around the edges of the team so far, but big changes are required now. His hands are tied on the striker front without Aleksandar Mitrović for the next two matches, but something has to be done about the out-of-sorts midfield. Expect a (well-deserved) Twitter riot if Pérez somehow fails to make the starting XI again on Saturday.
Next time out: Saturday vs. Watford at St. James' Park (10:00 am Eastern; US TV coverage not announced, but presumably Live Extra/Premier League Extra Time).