Sissoko To Newcastle: We Doubt It

Just as Christmas decorations have already begun elbowing out pumpkins and goblins in US retail outlets, ridiculous transfer rumor season has arrived early for Newcastle United, in the form of reports that Toulouse midfielder and France international Moussa Sissoko has been sewed up for the Toon next season in a pre-contract deal.

Our analysis: Hahahahahahaha.

Here are some signs that a transfer rumor is, to borrow an English phrase, utter shite:

- It starts in a London daily.

- It cites no sources, even anonymous ones such as "a club official" or "a person close to the player."

- It has no corroboration in the player's native country and/or the country of his current team, except on sketchy transfer rumor websites that quote London dailies.

- It lacks details that any source who would know about the signing would also be able to supply, such as the player's or clubs' reasoning behind the move, a timeline of events leading to the transaction, or a ballpark estimate of the wage and/or fee.

- It makes no sense on its face if you think about it for more than an instant.

The Sissoko-to-Newcastle rumor ticks all these dubious boxes, including the last one. We've seen a bit of Sissoko in match action on our TV and computer screens, and he would indeed be a mouthwatering acquisition. But with every big English club plus wealthy Europowers like Juventus and Bayern showing understandable interest, there's little evidence his wage would fit the carefully calibrated Toon structure. What's more, he's tailor-made for the role already being played at Newcastle by Cheick Tiote. And he's too expensive to be used for mere depth. Other than that, the move is perfectly logical.

Not to say the prospect of Sissoko in black-and-white is forever impossible. United has shown interest, according to a reputable report in the Chronicle. United could lose Tiote, freeing a spot and some legal tender for a replacement. Sissoko's stock could fall and put other clubs off the scent. But at the current moment, he's just not the sort of value-player-being-overlooked-by-everyone-else who screams "Newcastle." He's 23 and soon to be out-of-contract. That was enough cloth for a haggard journalist in London who needed some copy to construct something. We're not buying.

Comments

[Steve in Geordieland]

I don't know...he's been linked with us for about a year now, and there are reports that he's interested in NUFCFANS as he's friends with Yo. Also reports that he'd spoken to Yo about NUFCFANS and Yo obviously gave a glowing report about us, so hey, fingers crossed. I'd love to see him come in. If Ba does leave that gives us an opportunity to buy a LW to play 4-3-3...can you imagine an attacking 4-3-3? I'd love it if Cabaye sat up in more of a CAM position to pick out passes, with Tiote and Sissoko anchoring, bring Debuchy in, sell Simmo, if Ba goes purchase a LWer, I dunno maybe Mr. Remy? Only thing is, Jonas would be dropped in my lineup which I wouldn't be too happy about. By the way can't Sissoko also play as a CB? Or am I thinking of someone else? Like you said, mouthwatering prospect.

______ - Cisse - Ben Arfa
Cabaye
Sissoko - Tiote
Santon - STaylor - Colo - Debuchy
Krul

[MnToonArmy9]

Dear Santa:

While Sissoko would be just ducky, I'd really rather focus upon the remaining 30 weeks or so of THIS season. So here is my Christmas list.

(1) A CB for depth. Short guy ok, but long and athletic preferred.

(2) A lovely striker prospect. Must be quick, like to shoot and under 20. A cool name is a bonus.

(3) A solid American prospect/player for Newcastle United. I can hear my European friends laughing...but this is MY wish list, not theirs. A solid mid or defender prospect that could see time in Cup or Europa games would sell a lot of jerseys in the United States. We can't have Dempsey or Donovan but how about a Michael Bradley?

(4) A fast and complete recovery for Ryan Taylor and Haris Vukic.

(5) Meditation incense and mat for Tiote. I LOVE this guy, but if he can't stay on the pitch he won't stay on the squad.

(6) A Hatem Ben Arfa shooting zone. Basically the entire 18 yard box with four yards extended. Just keep shooting, Benny, and don't worry about trying to dribble around people.

I have been a good boy this year and I thank you in advance.

MTA9

P.S. Santa, have you ever considered ditching that red suit for something else? Black and white stripes are not only cool, but slimming.