I Wish I Was A Geordie - The Blog of Newcastle United in the US

Gareth Bale? NUFC Already Has Him

Yesterday, Gareth Bale weaved his magic once again, his late winner continuing West Ham's slide down the table and pushing Newcastle into a relatively comfortable 13th place. He's been a one-man assassin over the past couple months, prompting hyperbolic analysts to compare him to the likes of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.

Whatever the merits of those comparisons, it's hard to argue Bale's impact on his own club. He can turn a fairly average individual and team performance (like the one at White Hart Lane against Newcastle two weeks ago) into three points for Spurs with a couple of well-placed strikes. At the end of the year, those additional points add up.

But when seeing Bale's winner against West Ham, particularly Steve McManaman's exhortation for the Hammers defender to force the Welshman onto his weaker right foot, I couldn't help but think of a laser-guided Newcastle goal from this season. No, not Sunday's beauty from Papiss Cissé - the blast by Hatem Ben Arfa against Aston Villa way back in the first week of September. Ben Arfa was a few yards closer in against Villa, but in that case, the defender actually did show him onto his "weak" foot. It turned out that Ben Arfa's right boot was still capable of a thunderbolt.

Obviously, the Premier League campaign is just about over for Newcastle this season. Alan Pardew has set a sentimental 10th-place target for his players, but outside of a little bit more in prize money, there isn't any difference between achieving that goal or holding firm a couple spots lower. But there's one much more tantalizing prize still on offer between now and May, and Ben Arfa is just the sort of player who can deliver it.

As good as Bale has been for Spurs, Ben Arfa can match it. He's got more tricks in his arsenal, less pace than the Tottenham talisman, but the effect can be equally amazing. This season has been immensely frustrating for us as Newcastle fans, and at least part of that frustration has come because of Ben Arfa. Not so much because of his injury and what that's meant in the standings. It's the thought of having a player with world-class talent, and only being able to see that talent in the briefest of glimpses. 

There's no denying that Newcastle's scouting and recruitment network has assembled quite a squad. Without any release clauses looming in the background, it feels more permanent and stable than it did last spring. The most exciting thing about adding players like Moussa Sissoko and Yoan Gouffran is that it will finally give Tyneside's shining star a chance to demonstrate why French fans have followed him since he was a teenager, why he still gets magazine covers across the Channel while sitting out an injury.

No doubt we'll have plenty more to say about the Europa League, as Newcastle prepares to head to Moscow in just over a week. There are plenty of talented squads in the final 16, including next week's opponents, Anzhi Makhachkala. But with Ben Arfa at his best, Newcastle can beat any of them...even Bale's Tottenham. We've got one more week to think about the potential attacking options and dream of glory.

Three Points: Southampton Win

Three quick takeaways from Newcastle United's 4-2 win over Southampton at St. James' Park:

He's baaaack
It was just one goal, so it's impossible to claim that Papiss Cisse is back to the form that made him the Premier League's most captivating striker in the second half of last season.

But with one dipping volley, Cisse showed the sort of self belief that's been sadly lacking in his performances for most of the season. All players are fueled by confidence to a certain extent, and strikers in particular are dependent on it. The difference with Cisse is that when he doesn't have the self-assuredness to try headline-grabbing goals, his overall game isn't strong enough to make up for it.

In many ways, Cisse is an awkward fit to play as a lone central striker. His strengths aren't in holding up the ball and bringing his fellow attackers into play. In Moussa Sissoko and Yoan Gouffran, though, Newcastle has two players who are capable of covering more than their fair share of ground and taking on some of the onus of linking the attack.

And when Cisse scores goals out of nowhere like the one he did today, he more than makes up for his defincencies.

A mixed bag at the back
After reshuffling for Thursday's trip to Ukraine, Alan Pardew reverted to the backline he's utilized during Newcastle's mini-surge up the wrong end of the Premier League table: Mathieu Debuchy at right back, Steven Taylor and Fabricio Coloccini in the center and Davide Santon at left back.

Of course, Pardew was forced into one major change, with Rob Elliot replacing an injured Tim Krul. Elliot wasn't afforded an easy start to his first Premier League appearance — his first touch of the ball was picking it out of the back of the net — but performed adequately while displaying some impressive distribution.

It was a different story for the players in front of him. Taylor wasn't close enough to Morgan Schneiderlin on Southampton's opening goal and also lost track of Rickie Lambert on the visitors' second.

Santon was horribly out of position in the leadup to Lambert's goal, and Southampton intelligently took advantage by attacking down Newcastle's left flank. The Italian also continued to look predictable when venturing forward, cutting inside on his right foot time after time after time. He finally decided to go to the outside and use his left foot in the 79th minute and his cross resulted in a Saints own goal.

On the bright side, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa impressed after replacing Fabricio Coloccini late in the first half after Newcastle's captain hobbled off. It was always merely a matter of time before Yanga-Mbiwa got his chance at center back in Premier League play, and he showed why there are such high expectations for him.

Debuchy was beaten in the air by Lambert on Schneiderlin's goal, but the French fullback had one of his best games since arriving last month. He was a constant threat going forward, making intelligent runs, and defended sternly.

New-look Tiote
Cheick Tiote made a few trademark firm challenges. But the Ivorian destroyer, sporting a new bleached blond mohawk, played a noticeably more controlled game than he has for much of the season.

While Tiote was away at the Africa Cup of Nations last month, James Perch filled in capably by playing efficient — keeping things simple in possession and picking his spots for tackling. Tiote has struggled in both of those areas this season.

And while he did add a more expansive element to Newcastle's midfield with some cross-field diagonals, for the most part Tiote was quite measured in his decision making on the ball. He added energy to the midfield, oftentimes pushing forward further than central partner Yohan Cabaye.

If this is the Tiote Newcastle will have for the rest of the season, it's yet another reason for optimism.

What We'll Miss (And Not) Without Krul

The big story during and after Newcastle United's 1-0 victory Thursday at Metalist Kharkiv was goalkeeper Tim Krul, who made no fewer than four world-class saves in the final half-hour to keep Newcastle's European dreams alive, then suffered an outer ankle injury that appears serious enough to keep him out a matter of weeks. The club has confirmed only that a scan is upcoming, but Krul tweeted Friday that he's "gutted" about his ankle, so draw your own conclusion. Let's just not make that conclusion overly severe.

As a pure shot-stopper, Krul has few peers, as evidenced Thursday and throughout Newcastle's run to Europe last season. His save percentage in the league this season is a rather average 66.1, but to the naked eye that statistic seems like an injustice, because it doesn't account for degree of difficulty in the face of the club's defensive woes through most of the campaign. Krul has been a veritable Chinese acrobat in front of the Newcastle net, and he's let in few if any goals that could be chalked up to a mistake in handling the shot. He's a major ingredient in whatever success Newcastle achieves. That's unlikely to change during what we hope is a long career on Tyneside, and his loss, for whatever duration, is a major one.

But Krul, who will turn 25 in six weeks, is still a young goalkeeper, and like many young goalkeepers he struggles at times with the subtler skills of the position, notably possession. It's not hard to make a statistical case that Krul is the Premier League's least careful keeper with the ball, and in this case the numbers serve to verify what has driven our naked eyes crazy at times this season. We've outlined Newcastle United's long-standing problems winning duels, but even taking that into consideration, Krul gives the ball to the opposition with alarming frequency and results.

Of goalkeepers with 20 or more Premier League starts this season, only two have yielded possession more often than Krul, and neither of those have been charged with more errors resulting in goals. In fact, only one keeper in the league has made more goal-inducing errors than Krul: Ali Al-Habsi of Wigan. But Al-Habsi is among the league's top three keepers in overall ball protection. There are matches in which Krul seems almost to be playing for the other side when he's not making a save, such as the "Magsgiving" Europa League draw in which Krul booted 16 of 24 long balls to Maritimo, and Newcastle's most recent league match at Tottenham, a loss that featured an absurd 35 giveaways by Krul, the most by a regular goalkeeper in a Premiership match this season.

Next to Krul and the Greatest Penalty Taker On Earth, the players making the biggest impression Thursday were the new boys at the back, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa and Massadio Haidara, both of whom looked league-steady and ready. If the upcoming ankle scan confirms the expected, Krul's gymnastics in the box will be longingly missed in the upcoming weeks. But more care with the ball on the part of his replacement, coupled with newfound, long-awaited depth along Newcastle's back line, should limit his absence to cause for concern rather than panic.

Spoiled For Choice Against Metalist And Southampton

When Newcastle was drawn against Metalist Kharkiv back in December, these two weeks had the potential to be a squad-busting nightmare. Four matches in 10 days, including a round trip to the Ukraine, may have meant another start for Nile Ranger. Maybe Xisco would have even made the bench.

Of course, the early FA cup exit and influx of talented Frenchmen made the schedule much less daunting. While wins tomorrow and Sunday aren't guaranteed, Alan Pardew has enough good players at his disposal to make it happen. But who should he select to earn a trip to the Europa League's sweet 16 - and push the club three points closer to Premier League safety?

Metalist Kharkiv: If Pardew wanted to be incredibly cautious, he could give Rob Elliot, who has not done much wrong this season, the start in goal tomorrow. But most likely, it'll be Tim Krul between the posts, protected by the same back four that helped him earn a clean sheet last week. Davide Santon has been slightly wobbly of late, however, and it wouldn't hurt to see new signing Massadio Haïdara in action for the first time. Though Santon appears to have an unlimited amount of energy in his 22-year-old legs, a break may help him reflect on his defensive lapses. 

New signings and returning players present all sorts of options in the central midfield triangle Pardew now prefers. Vurnon Anita deserves a chance to start in his preferred holding role, and this match provides the perfect chance for him to do so. The same goes for Sylvain Marveaux in his own favored role, behind a lone striker with two players behind him to clean up on defense. If Pardew wants to go for it against Metalist, expect Yohan Cabaye to play alongside Anita; if he's holding back a bit for Sunday, James Perch or Gaël Bigirimana would be fine choices.

Up front, I'd let Papiss Cissé try to get the confidence-building goal he was denied by a terrible officiating decision last week at St. James' Park. Whether Santon or Haïdara starts at left back, Jonás Gutiérrez would make sense as a covering defender at left wing. He's shown flashes of being as creative as he ever has been at Newcastle, but anything he produces offensively is a bonus. With Yoan Gouffran ineligible, his former Bordeaux teammate Gabriel Obertan should get the nod on the right, with the two occasionally swapping sides. If the attack appears a bit flat, the likes of Cabaye and Moussa Sissoko would be formidable bench options on Thursday night.

Southampton: Everyone is available and the possibilities are downright mouth-watering. Were I in Pardew's shoes, I'd give Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa the start at center back alongside Fabricio Coloccini, flanked by Europa-ineligible Mathieu Debuchy and Santon. The risk-averse manager will probably prefer Steven Taylor both Thursday and Sunday. He's not a bad player, but Yanga-Mbiwa is an incredible talent, as we saw when he was played out of position last week. Sooner or later, he has to become an every-week starter.

In midfield, the tested pairing of Cabaye and Cheick Tioté should start together in the Premier League for the first time since the derby in October. (Yes, you read that right.) With Sissoko playing in front of them, it's difficult to think of a more formidable midfield, in virtually every aspect, in the entire league. 

Up front, things are less clear. Were everyone fully rested, it seems apparent that Pardew intends to start Cissé as a lone striker, flanked by the constantly switching Yoan Gouffran and Hatem Ben Arfa. That's probably what will happen anyway on Sunday. But depending on who plays Thursday, and how much, Gouffran might be worth a look in Cissé's place, with Ben Arfa and Gutiérrez (backed up by Marveaux) on the wings. For an even crazier option, picture the spry Gouffran and Ben Arfa in orbit around Shola Ameobi. Southampton does wear red and white stripes, after all...well, not quite.

My team suggestions - Alan, if you're reading this, jot them down:

vs. Metalist Kharkiv (4-2-3-1): Krul; Yanga-Mbiwa, Taylor, Coloccini, Haïdara; Perch, Anita; Obertan, Marveaux, Gutiérrez; Cissé.

vs. Southampton (4-2-3-1): Krul; Debuchy, Yanga-Mbiwa, Coloccini, Santon; Tioté, Cabaye; Ben Arfa, Sissoko, Gouffran; Cissé.

Philly Trip A Sign Of Growing US Fan Base

Unlike the trip to New York City's Legends bar which started this two-year blog tour odyssey, there was not a fully formed group of Newcastle supporters in Philadelphia when I visited last weekend.

Coming from a city with a similar situation, I can sympathize. With virtually every match available on TV, with a relatively inexpensive Fox Soccer 2 Go subscription, or through legally dubious streaming websites, it's a lot of effort to wake up even earlier on a weekend morning to watch your club - especially given the dire results we've seen most of this season.

But travel they did - and for a 7:45 am start time, no less! And that's why that as impressive as it was to get 40 or so black-and-white clad fans into Legends over New Year's weekend, it was an equally worthy feat to pack a dozen into Fadó to see Yoan Gouffran score his first goal for the club. It was a shame that a decent effort didn't get the point it deserved.

Maybe the biggest shock about the States, for our English fans, is the sheer scale of our great country. As I described it when recapping my trip to NYC for the January issue of The Mag, that trip from Boston to New York would be one of the longer Premier League travel days, at a shade over 200 miles each way. That obviously means plenty of miles to log when I'm doing the blog tour, but it also presents logistical hurdles to arranging fan groups in the US. 

And lest you think that the folks in Philly put something together especially for me, they're already planning to do more now that I've left. In the week since, they've already thought about designs for a custom flag to take with them to the pub - or hopefully to NUFC's next set of American friendly matches. Some of the people at Fadó that day had never actually met each other before the Spurs match. Now, they've got a reason to get together again.

That's why, as my co-blogger Bob explained a few months ago, it would be a mistake for Newcastle to sweep through Brazil before paying another visit to our fair shores. There's a market here, whether it's people just getting into the Premier League, or Newcastle fans searching for groups to call home, that another preseason trip would help bring to the forefront. If Philadelphia can get a dozen people to turn up when some silly writer walks through the door, imagine the response when Hatem Ben Arfa or Papiss Cissé comes to town. That would seriously be something unforgettable.

If any fellow fans are coming to Philly on matchday, it's worth your while to get in touch with Chris, aka @ToonArmyPhilly on Twitter.

Three Points: Metalist Kharkiv Draw

Three quick takeaways from Newcastle United's scoreless draw with Metalist Kharkiv at St. James' Park:

No need to panic
There was probably a tendency among Newcastle fans to assume that their revitalized club would swiftly dispatch its Eastern European visitors. After all, Metalist Kharkiv isn't a major name in European soccer. From that standpoint, a scoreless draw at home could be viewed as pretty darn underwhelming.

Newcastle was far from great on Thursday, but created a sufficient amount of scoring chances and defended better than it has for most of the season. And, of course, United also found itself on the cruel side of two extremely harsh — and questionable — offside decisions that denied snakebitten Papiss Cisse a pair of goals.

So there's really no point to stressing over the result. The performance was adequate. With no Premier League match this weekend, Newcastle should be able to attack (note: I feel confident in saying this is the verb Alan Pardew will use) the second leg with a strong squad.

Narrow-minded attack
Service from the flanks clearly isn't one of Newcastle's strengths this season. With Cisse playing as a lone striker, there's also not a whole heck of a lot for United's wide men to aim at when they do get the ball in crossing positions.

Regardless of which is the initial cause — you could say it's a chicken-and-egg conundrum — Newcastle tends to play too narrow at times. Such was the case for much of Thursday's game. And, with Metalist clogging the middle of the field, United found it difficult to maneuver its way through (and the absences of Yoan Gouffran and Hatem Ben Arfa hardly helped its efforts).

Gabriel Obertan offered some bright moments before slowing down in the second half, but he was the only true wide player in Pardew's starting XI. Jonas Gutierrez, the other wide midfielder in the 4-2-3-1 formation, rarely threatens down the flanks these days. Left back Davide Santon cuts inside on his favored right foot at every opportunity (even those that don't seem to be there). Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa performed well away from his natural position, but didn't offer the sort of attacking thrust that Mathieu Debuchy would have at right back.

Pardew didn't really have any options to inject width into his team, either. As I've repeatedly argued, Sylvain Marveaux isn't nearly as effective when deployed on the wing. He played well after replacing Obertan, but that alteration shifted Moussa Sissoko out wide. Sissoko can certainly function in that position, but Newcastle is probably better served if he's central.

Metalist shows its mettle
It didn't take long for the Ukrainians — although that doesn't seem like a very accurate way to describe Kharkiv, considering the heavily South American makeup of its team — to prove they were no pushovers.

Metalist was skillful on the ball, clever in its passing and opportunistic on the counter attack. While Newcastle probably had the better of play overall, Kharkiv looked more incisive in its ventures forward.

So, while United still is in decent shape heading into the second leg, besting Metalist in Ukraine would be an impressive accomplishment.

On The Air: Hot Or Not At Tottenham

It's podcast time once again as the three IWIWAG wags review the new French legion at Newcastle United through the lens of Saturday's encouraging performance-slash-discouraging result against Spurs at White Hart Lane. We let out a big Yoan, get mushy about Debuchy, and discuss the best use-a for Moussa. In a rare piece of audio footage destined for historical archives, Matt Feltz takes the non-Perch side of a debate. Plus Newcastle's answer to the musical question, who needs Yaya Touré? Click below to get an earful, or visit our iTunes page to download, rate and subscribe. Howet les lads!

I Wish I Was A Geordie 2013-11

Three Points: Spurs Defeat

Three quick takeaways from Newcastle United's 2-1 defeat at White Hart Lane:

1. New look, but same old problems
Newcastle has been a different team since raiding France for much-needed reinforcements. And, while the overall performance on Saturday was still encouraging — United's passing fluency was particularly impressive when you consider it came on the road against one of the league's top sides — Newcastle was undone by some of the same old defensive mistakes that crippled it during the first half of the season.

James Perch's failure to jump while stationed in the wall on Gareth Bale's opening goal drew many angry tweets, but it was Fabricio Coloccini's clumsy foul on Clint Dempsey that set up the free kick.

Coloccini and Steven Taylor then teamed up to botch the long ball that led to Bale's game winner. Taylor played well overall, but you'd have to place more of the blame for the decisive goal on his shoulders.

Alan Pardew shouldn't overreact to one play, seeing as though Taylor has just returned from injury and is re-connecting with Coloccini. But the club also shelled out a significant fee for Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa for a reason, and he would bring quickness to the center back position.

2. More than just a backup plan
When Newcastle signed Yoan Gouffran from Bordeaux, it was widely assumed that the club had moved for the speedy forward in desperation after losing out on Loic Remy.

In his first three games, Gouffran has shown himself to be much more than a mere consolation prize. The 26-year-old has been composed on the ball and diligent in tracking back from his left-sided forward position while adding speed to United's attack.

He got his reward with a deserved first-half goal on Saturday, only to be stretchered off the field early in the second half. His loss clearly impacted the rest of the team — Sylvain Marveaux replaced him on the left wing and didn't offer much of anything, further strengthening my belief that he's much more effective as a central attacker — although X-rays were negative.

Gouffran may never turn into a star striker at the Premier League level. But his performances so far have answered suggestions that he had "found his level" in Ligue 1.

3. Cissé must step forward
Whenever criticism was lobbed at Papiss Cissé in the first half of the season, there were always mitigating circumstances to note. Oftentimes, he was deployed as a wide forward - not at all a natural position for the Senegalese striker. And on the occasions that he was played through the middle, he found himself next to Demba Ba in a partnership that never looked cohesive.

Cissé is now where he belongs: at the top of Pardew's formation. It's time for him to start performing at a level closer to the form he displayed a year ago. True, the service into him wasn't great on Saturday. And, yes, his run on Gouffran's goal did create space for the equalizer.

But Cissé also put one premium headed chance wide, and struggled to hold up the ball for most of the game. He wasn't a physical threat whatsoever to Spurs' central pairing of Michael Dawson and Steven Caulker, and he didn't give them any problems with speed, either.

Cissé is most definitely a poacher, the sort of striker who you persevere with because he can impact a game at any moment. At a certain point, though, you wonder if all those non-impactful moments will be too much for Pardew to take. If Gouffran bounces back from his injury and continues to perform, might he be worth a look in the middle?

Jonás Gutiérrez: The Above-Average Spider-Man

If any player best epitomized Newcastle's run in the first half of last season, it was Jonás Gutiérrez. Unlike the stylish attacking team we saw last spring, the 11-match unbeaten run that started the year featured a lot of ugly nail-biters and very little flair. Jonás slotted in wherever asked, be it left wing, left back, attacking or defensive midfield roles, and did so relatively effectively.

Sure, he could only score against the league's worst team, and his crosses usually elicited a derisive "he really should be doing better with that" from announcers. But it was hard to deny how hard he worked, or how much pressure he was able to relieve by drawing fouls and dribbling out of danger.

And when Newcastle piled up loss after loss this fall, Jonás again seemed a perfect symbol of the club's travails. His flaws mirrored a team-wide lack of creativity. While there was no doubting his, or the team's, effort every week, that effort was mostly channeled in unproductive and ineffective ways. Alan Pardew singled him out as an underperformer in December, yet he looked as poor as ever after returning from injury.

On Saturday, we remembered why we loved Gutiérrez so much. His tear-filled exultation after his headed goal released months of frustration supporters had with him, as well as the disappointment he'd had with his own play. It wasn't just the goal, though. Jonás put together a performance against Chelsea that, while not making anyone forget about Hatem Ben Arfa, was as effective as he'd been in months.

But the strange thing about comparing the Jonás of 2012-13 to the one of 2011-12 is how little difference there actually is by the numbers. Let's have a look:

 

Stats are certainly not everything, and Jonás has looked much worse to my eye as well. Whether through injury, age, or fatigue, he appears to have lost a step, which may be the cause of his lower dribble rate. But everywhere else, the numbers show that he's essentially the same player that he was a year ago.

What fans have seen from Jonás this year is a classic case of how a decent player can look very different depending on the performance of the club. Mistakes stand out more when they turn into goals, and poor crosses get erased from memory when Newcastle is leading rather than chasing a match. Win, and his obvious effort and passion is applauded. Lose, and he's a clogger who can't produce on the offensive end when the club desperately needs goals.

There's no surer sign of how far Newcastle has progressed in building the roster than seeing how Gutiérrez has slipped down the pecking order. When coming up from the Championship, he was an automatic starter. Now, he's a serviceable player in a sea of excellent ones, and will likely be dropped to the bench in favor of Ben Arfa, or even Sylvain Marveaux. Instead of being relied on for creativity he has never really possessed, Jonás can do what he does best - add energy in short bursts to close out matches. It's up to the rest of the squad to get Newcastle the lead for him to protect.

Gouffran: From Consolation Prize To Surprise

The talk surrounding Newcastle United's season-reviving victory over Chelsea on Saturday has centered understandably on a two-goal, could've-been-even-more performance from Moussa Sissoko. We were thrilled by Sissoko's outing, but not surprised, having watched him outperform his statistics at Toulouse this season as detailed here last week. The surprise was out to Sissoko's left, in the person of his French compatriot and fellow Newcastle new boy Yoan Gouffran.

Toon supporters could be forgiven for viewing Gouffran as a consolation prize after QPR snatched Loïc Rémy from the St. James' threshold, even though Gouffran had quietly slipped into Ligue 1's top 10 scorers while Rémy nursed a nagging thigh injury in the nightclubs of Marseille. I'll confess to not having noticed much of Gouffran in what little I'd seen of Bordeaux in league play; I remember him faintly as a guy with pace and not a whole lot else. If that sounds familiar, read what you wish into who I'm quoting next.

"He is a powerful, explosive forward who is really quick," said Gouffran's former Bordeaux and new NUFC teammate Gabriel Obertan, in an interview on the NUFC web site after Gouffran's signing. "His pace is his main quality and he will be a real asset for us this year." Alan Pardew provided an echo: "I liked the look of [Gouffran] when we played Bordeaux at St. James' Park earlier this year: pacy, direct and intelligent and those are qualities I like in a footballer."

That praise feels faint for what we saw out of Gouffran against Chelsea. Pacy, for sure: Chasing him is next to futile, making him lethal in space and on the counterattack. But there was plenty to like at the ends of his runs too, as he played a role in four chances including the shot that sprawled Petr Cech and gave a fat rebound to Sissoko, who handled a tricky bounce to knock in a second-half equalizer. (Credit on the play also to Papiss Cissé for the delicately placed ball that started Gouffran's charge.) Perhaps equally impressive was what Gouffran didn't do: make a mistake. From what I could see he literally didn't put a foot wrong all match, an accomplishment for someone new to the amped-up demands of the Premier League.

Gouffran brings fiery personality as well as pace to his new club. Ligue 1 broadcast and online commentator David Crossan has tweeted - citing colleagues covering Bordeaux - that Gouffran may chafe at playing anywhere but the middle, and according to French media accounts he can become testy when he feels he's not seeing enough of the ball. Hopefully the quality of his chances at Newcastle will trump the raw quantity, especially if Hatem Ben Arfa is on the other side of Sissoko rather than place-holder Jonas Gutierrez (not to discount Jonas' crazy header against Chelsea). If your mouth isn't watering at the prospect, you're not a Newcastle fan or you need to see a doctor.

Meanwhile Rémy, according to accounts this morning, will miss two months with another upper-leg aggravation suffered in training at QPR. There but for the grace of God and a sane wage structure go we. Sissoko is grabbing the headlines now, and rightly so. But the true stroke of transfer genius and luck that saves Newcastle's season may turn out to be a fellow French target who wasn't a first choice.