I Wish I Was A Geordie - The Blog of Newcastle United in the US

On The Air: Keep Or Sell, Defense Edition

In the first of a two-part season review - it's better than that sounds, but then again, how could it not be? - the four Princes of Pod avoid a whine-a-thon with a spirited episode of Keep Or Sell, the new game show that asks whether the panelists would keep or sell each regular Newcastle United player (along with a few irregulars), and if sell for how much. The gang takes aim this week at goalkeeper and defense: Should Willo walk? Is Colo cashed out? Is Mapou monetizable? Do we really like anyone on this team? Does Phil like anyone, period? And in transfer news, "Ayoze" pronounced in a Wisconsin accent. Click below to listen, visit our iTunes page for your personal download, or for you Android users, check out our new Stitcher page. And stay tuned next week for Keep Or Sell: Midfield-Striker Edition.

I Wish I Was A Geordie 5-22-14

Dear Alan: We're Stuck With You, So Please Change

Dear Alan,

By now you're well aware that we would prefer you no longer work as manager of Newcastle United. You've even admitted that the second half of this season wasn't good enough.

But, in spite of your loose grip on the locker room, uninspiring tactics and hooligan impersonations on the sidelines, owner Mike Ashley won't fire you. So we're stuck together, at least for the start of next season.

We'd like to say there are ways for you to win us back, but we honestly don't know if that's possible at this point. I suppose a top-six finish next season might do it; you'll have to excuse us for harboring doubts about the likelihood of that happening.

But there are a few things you could do to at least quiet the chants for your removal. Some suggestions:

Recapture your PR game
Remember when you first started at Newcastle? Most fans weren't in favor of your hiring, but you won a lot of them over with some slick, yet honest, interviews. You went on BBC Newcastle and talked about tough issues facing the club. You were relatable and likeable, even after your bosses sold your star striker.

Since signing that eight-year contract, though, you've changed. You can't deal with criticism, you get defensive with reporters and you embarrass yourself trying to praise Ashley. We understand that you can't rip the man who signs your paychecks, but you can't afford to abandon the fans if you want to repair the toxic atmosphere at St. James' Park.

So, swallow your pride, go on the radio and tell us that you understand our frustration. Speak from the heart and be as honest as you can — and that includes loosening your protective hold on your players.

Show us who you are as a manager
What type of soccer does an Alan Pardew team play? Seriously, we're asking you, because it's been three-and-a-half seasons and we still don't know.

You've talked about an up-tempo passing game in the past, but that's only materialized in short bursts. Sometimes you've channeled your pal Jose Mourinho and set up your team to defend and counter attack. Too often, though, your teams have played overly direct, particularly since Yohan Cabaye left for Paris.

You change formations week to week, shoehorn players into positions and appear more concerned with trying to stop your opponent than what to do when your team has the ball.

We realize that some of this is because you've been handed a roster that may not suit your soccer sensibilities. But please, please, establish some sort of identity for your team. It doesn't have to be a rigid formation or style — just an underlying quality that will help us understand what exactly you're trying to do.

Demand a cohesive transfer plan
Maybe the word "demand" is a bit heavy for someone who's coming off such a lean four months. But you need to find a way to heal the clear schism that exists in your boss' transfer policy.

You want a few British players; Graham Carr is recommending Frenchman after Frenchman, and he's been winning out. We all know this.

We don't really care where the players come from, but we want to know that they're being signed because they're the right fit — not just for the right price, on the right contract, with the right re-sale value.

You're the one who has to get the team to perform on the field — and manage the locker room — so you had better find a way to have some input. Or at least make it look like you, Carr, Lee Charnley and Ashley are working from the same plan.

Stop the excuses and show some belief
We know your job comes with migraine-inducing challenges. Your boss repeatedly sells your best player in the middle of the season. You haven't been given a permanent signing since last January, and it's been almost three years since a player with Premier League experience arrived.

But you've got to stop the constant stream of excuses. It doesn't fill us with confidence to hear you talk about how the club can't compete with Southampton financially. Everton hasn't spent big. Neither has Atletico Madrid. A little belief and a bold managerial vision can lift a club.

We hope you'll consider these ideas this summer. Doesn't standing on the sideline without getting booed sound nice?

Yours,
The I Wish I Was A Geordie team