I Wish I Was A Geordie - The Blog of Newcastle United in the US

Stoke Preview: Dreaming of Days Gone By

Pre-match narrative

Cast your eyes back to the halcyon days of three seasons ago, when our beloved club, and now-despised manager, could do no wrong. Alan Pardew may have had the two best displays of his Newcastle tenure against Stoke during the 2011-12 season. First, his side bullied the infamously hard-nosed Potters at the Britannia, thanks to the two-way work of Jonás Gutiérrez and a very angry Demba Ba. Then in the spring, his "Trinity" of Ba, Papiss Cissé, and Hatem Ben Arfa, supported by Yohan Cabaye at his creative finest, dazzled Tony Pulis's cloggers at St. James' Park on the way to European qualification.

I bring this up mainly to illustrate how swift and sad the subsequent decline has been. Is there even the slightest chance that Pardew can draw that sort of performance out of his players against Stoke today? It's hilariously depressing to even contemplate it.

Team we want/team we'll get

In theory, Cissé and Emmanuel Rivière have the makings of an effective partnership. While the latter has looked pretty inept in front of goal in the Premier League, his hold-up play frees Cissé to adopt a poaching role. Of course, strike pairings are all about chemistry, and this duo has literally never played together. It's likely a moot point, as Pardew will continue to run his 4-2-3-1 into the ground instead of trying something else.

The other question mark today, which isn't reflected in either lineup, is the availability of Daryl Janmaat. He's apparently going to be evaluated before kickoff, with countryman Vurnon Anita scheduled to replace him if he can't go. That could pose a huge problem against the towering Peter Crouch, requiring excellent communication from the Newcastle back four. Too bad that's not exactly one of its strengths.

How Pardew will screw this up

The pressure seems to be off the manager for the moment, even though it really shouldn't be. That means Pardew will simply return to form, shrug his shoulders if we get beat, and move on. He won't figure out if Cissé and Rivière play well together, won't try to maximize the creative potential of Rémy Cabella, and it likely won't be enough to remove Newcastle from the foot of the table.

Chronicle headline

Mike Ashley made waves last week by apparently ranting about Pardew in a London pub, then claiming he was joking. With a probable defeat staring the club in the face today, the headline-writers will roll with this tomorrow:

No joke: Stellar Stoke prolong Toon misery

Hull City Preview: The Alan Pardew Project - Judgment Day

Pre match Narrative

 

 Let’s be honest here, folks. There is no point in a tactical breakidown for this match. The 22 players on the field are a mere backdrop to the 52,000 in the stands. Not since all the presents were stolen from Whoville has a town been so angry with one man.  

For his part, Alan Pardew has already thrown lighter fluid on the bonfire that awaits him Saturday.  He was quoted on the official Twitter page as saying, “the environment for the players on Saturday will probably be as tough as it’s been. I don’t fear the game, but Hull are a good side. We have to show that our spirit is strong, and I think we will do that.”

The last time the manager faced protests at St. James' Park, his side defeated a soon-to-be-relegated Cardiff City 3-0. The three points did not prevent walkouts at the 60^th and 69^th minutes, but it prevented the atmosphere from reaching DEFCON-1.  This time around, the bile that will be hurled toward the manager by the black and white army will make the Cardiff protests look like a victory parade.

Adding to the toxic brew is the return of Hatem Ben Arfa, at least in a spiritual sense. He can't take the field for Hull, and whether he'll be in town at all is a bit of a mystery. But you better believe that he'll be on the minds of the masses at SJP tomorrow. And each time his name is sung, just like it was at Southampton last week, it's one more jab at a manager whose time at the club should have already expired.

How Pardew can screw this up

Showing up and taking his seat in the technical area.

The performance away at Southampton was completely devoid of spirit, emotion, or energy. Pardew stared forlornly onto the St. Mary’s pitch knowing his days were numbered.  Based on the effort against Southampton, the players have stopped playing for their manager. Yet there Pardew will be tomorrow, no doubt sulking on the bench because of the vitriol aimed his way. Mike Ashley’s reluctance to end this charade will cost this club once again. How many losses is he willing to endure before pulling the trigger?

Potential Chronicle headline

No matter the outcome against Hull City, the attention and spotlight after the match will be focused on the manager. It will be an explosive environment at St. James' Park, no matter the final result. In victory or defeat, the message will be clear: Pardew must go.

The players will have to block out the waves of protest, as they did against Cardiff last season, to deliver a result against a team they should very well handle. The Magpies have an extra day of rest and preparation to deal with a Hull team that is vulnerable on defense. The Tigers can be beaten, but can Newcastle finally create that elusive goal? Whatever happens on the pitch, the headline for Sunday’s paper will read:

Mutiny at the manager: Pardew hears it from venomous Geordie faithful 

Southampton Preview: Could The End Be Near?

Pre-match narrative

"How many days do I have left here?"

Under-fire Alan Pardew reportedly has two matches to save his job. This revelation has put the Toon Army in a prickly position. Do we do what we have all done since we have laid eyes on the black and white shirt, and get behind the team? Or do we turn against them in hopes the rumors are true and Pardew will finally be let go? 

Key man

Graziano Pellè will cause the Newcastle center backs major concern on Saturday. In Southampton’s last contest at West Ham, the 6’4" Italian stud-muffin put two in the back of the net, with one being ruled out for offside. The one that counted was a nice left-footed half-volley to beat Adrián in the 83rd minute. The former Feyenoord man possesses the size and skill to give Newcastle's shaky backline problems.

Team we want/team we'll get

Newcastle should try to exploit the center of Southampton's defense with quick passing and plenty of through balls. José Fonte is a big, but slow-footed center back, and there could be space available if Emmanuel Rivière can hold up the ball and play it back to Rémy Cabella. Ayoze Pérez has gotten into great positions in his substitute appearances, and perhaps his partners up front can give him an opportunity to finish one off.

How Pardew could screw this up

The Newcastle boss will continue to stick with a 4-2-3-1 system that has not functioned in two-plus years. The formation continues to yield uninspired and downright dull football. Opponents continue to invite Newcastle into the final third of the field, daring the Magpies to create a goal. Of the three goals scored against Palace, two were by defenders, and the other from a set piece. Newcastle continues to fail, yet the manager sticks with the system. 

Pardew's favored formation looks even grimmer with the news that Jamaican spark plug Rolando Aarons will be out tomorrow, and potentially much longer. The 18-year-old winger has been the only positive on-field product so far this season. Aarons’ good form continued with a goal for England’s under-20 team against Romania during the international break.  

Predicted post-match Chronicle headline

Last time around, Newcastle endured its most lopsided defeat at St. Mary’s Stadium since 1898.  The 4-0 drubbing could have been even worse if not for some impressive saves by Rob Elliot.

The situation doesn't look much better ahead of tomorrow's match. Rivière has been completely stranded by himself.  Cabella may be too lightweight. Siem de Jong, the man who Alan Pardew had planned on building the team around, is now out for a significant amount of time. Aarons, who showed both creativity and an eye for goal in his cameo two weeks ago, is also unavailable. The obstacles facing the club on the South Coast tomorrow look insurmountable. So the Chronicle headline after the match will read... 

“Punchless attack leaves Pardew in peril”

On The Air: The Post-Deadline Pessimism Parade

Dearest listeners:

Did you think our 10th-place predictions in our season preview podcast were far too cheery? If so, then our transfer window wrap-up is the show for you! In this episode, Tom, Matt, and special guest Rob Moyer (@yanknufc) sink deep into a world where every glass is half-empty and answers to this season's burning questions are virtually impossible to find.

We shudder at the prospect of increased playing time for Steven Taylor, as well as the dark, mysterious curiosities that now lurk behind him on the depth chart. At the other end of the pitch, is there anyone who can reliably hit the net? The jury is decidedly out on that one. What do the deadline-day departures of fan favorites (and Alan Pardew enemies) Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa and Hatem Ben Arfa say about the club's decision-making process? How much time does Pardew have to turn this floundering ship around, anyway? We may not be able to solve any of these conundrums, but our heaping helpings of doubt make up for it.

Click below to listen, or visit our iTunes and Stitcher sites to carry this NUFC-themed black cloud around with you!

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Reflections on Ben Arfa's NUFC Career

With his loan move to Hull in the books, Hatem Ben Arfa's Newcastle career is officially over. (Unofficially, it was obviously done as soon as he was completely ignored in the club's summer plans.) There's no better way for me to sum up the connection fans had with Ben Arfa, irrational though it often was, than with this passage I wrote for an unfinished project last year. Consider it a look into the world that might have been for Newcastle, had the circumstances and personalities involved been different.

Ben Arfa began his year by starting the FA Cup match against Blackburn Rovers. It wasn't a surprise, as early rounds of the competition were usually full of backup players. The match had no TV coverage whatsoever, which gives you a sense of how insignificant it was in the eyes of the English media. Those fans who wanted to follow it live had to make do with local radio coverage. Overseas listeners settled for Radio Tyneside, a "hospital radio" station which happened to be streaming live coverage that day. 

Listening to soccer on the radio can be an extremely disorienting experience. To get a sense of what's going on, you really need to see the whole field, surveying the attack patterns and defensive coverage. The laser-like focus on the man with the ball, which radio commentary demands, causes you to lose perspective. Luckily, Ben Arfa decided to help the listening audience by putting on a one-man show. 

Receiving the ball just on the attacking side of the halfway line, he blew past one Blackburn defender, then split two more before charging into the penalty area. With one defender in front of him and a trail of yellow shirts in his wake, he shook his shoulders to give himself space to shoot from a tight angle. Despite the lack of space, he had no trouble with the finish, blasting a shot so hard that it looked like it could have torn the roof of the net off. Journalist Iain MacIntosh referred to it as a "thunderbastard," which certainly captures the pure venom of the effort. In his post-match press conference, Pardew called it the best goal he had ever seen. Nobody except for the people at the stadium saw it live. And though the attendance was just over 30,000, probably 300,000 or more will tell their kids and grandkids they were there.

The Blackburn goal, which eventually made it to the Internet via shaky, one-camera highlight footage, illustrated exactly what was so seductive about this player: he captured the zeitgeist perfectly. Unlike much bigger stars like Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, Ben Arfa wasn't overexposed, meaning that soccer hipsters could appreciate a player most people didn't see every week. His staggering skills were made to be packaged in YouTube videos and shared via social media. You could even generate a highlight reel of his off days, and many enterprising video editors did just that. And for Newcastle fans, his involvement in a match virtually guaranteed excitement. A team that managed to be both successful and adventurous was the ultimate Tyneside fantasy, and thanks to Ben Arfa, it looked like it could come true.

It's hard to believe that's written about a moment that happened just two and a half years ago, given how disastrously things have gone since. For my co-bloggers, and for me personally to some extent, who have since soured a bit on Ben Arfa, it's instructive to reflect on why people became so attached to this particular player, and what his rather anonymous departure represents.

Why do we follow sports? It's not to watch a club play out the string as it wanders aimlessly in the middle of the table. We're hoping for our team to captivate us, if only just for a moment. In lieu of a cup run, or a challenge for the Champions League, the brief rush of excitement that Ben Arfa could offer was something worth tuning in for. While this end has been written in the cards for a while, seeing it written in black and white still stings.

Another Deadline Day To Forget

Hatem Ben Arfa is a Hull City Tiger, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa is off to Roma and Newcastle United still doesn't have a bona fide goalscoring striker.

Mike Ashley's minions unsurprisingly stumbled through another barren transfer deadline day. NUFC didn't buy a striker to spearhead its attack. Nor did it add another center back to fortify its backline. The club's only moves were outgoing loans for Ben Arfa and Yanga-Mbiwa, two Frenchmen who Alan Pardew wanted off the roster.

It was a bitter end to what was, all in all, a decent summer transfer window. New front office czar Lee Charnley, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Muppet scientist Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, oversaw a widespread refresh of Pardew's squad — something that was several years overdue. NUFC stopped shopping exclusively in France and added players such as Jack Colback, Remy Cabella and Siem de Jong who should upgrade the team's overall passing ability.

Of course, this is Mike Ashley's Newcastle, so a no-doubt-about-it, clearly positive window was never going to happen. Sure, NUFC signed three strikers in Emmanuel Riviere, Ayoze Perez and Facundo Ferreyra, but it never landed a player worthy of replacing Loic Remy. Perez has flashed some potential early on, but he still needs time to develop. Ferreyra is a total unknown at this point. Riviere is physically intriguing, but doesn't look like a No. 1 striker for a Premier League club.

Newcastle sniffed around Pierre-Michel Lasogga early in the summer, stalked Alexandre Lacazette when it was clear the interest wasn't mutual, and hoped that Loic Remy might get desperate at QPR. Apparently those were the only three strikers the NUFC decision-makers believed were affordable and worth signing.

If Newcastle had piled up goals in the season's first four games, that assessment might make a little more sense. And sacrificing Ben Arfa will hardly quell concerns about the lack of offensive firepower on the roster.

The cult following of Ben Arfa is, quite frankly, out of control, considering his track record of defecating all over himself at previous clubs and his spotty production, effort and decision-making during his up-and-down career at Newcastle. Still, banishing him and then loaning him out to a fellow mid-table Premier League club looks downright stupid. Pardew had better hope Cabella and de Jong start scoring goals soon.

Yanga-Mbiwa's departure isn't as controversial, though shipping him out without a replacement lined up is an unnecessary gamble. Fabricio Coloccini and Steven Taylor aren't exactly ironmen, Mike Williamson could very well regress, new arrival Jamaal Lascelles is on loan at Nottingham Forest for the season, and Remie Streete appears to have fallen completely off the first-team radar.

Newcastle clearly bought Yanga-Mbiwa with the intention of replacing Coloccini once he left for Argentina — which, obviously, never happened — but Pardew never appeared sold on MYM as a core part of his backline. The conundrum with Yanga-Mbiwa was that he never truly got an extended run of games at center back to settle in, yet he performed so schitzophrenically when he did play that he never merited said extended run of games.

And yet the #NUFC domain of Twitter likely wouldn't be in full-on meltdown had the club landed a legit striker. Instead, we're all left in a familiar state: wondering whether the club genuinely tried.